However, to really know a person, in a deep sense, and what it means to have a combination of particular planets in particular signs and houses with particular aspects, it takes time and keen observation. That is why I like working with people for a series of sessions over a period of time. We can go so much deeper into personality, life, or relationship dynamics, all of which the chart will illustrate in perfect fashion. Yet it takes time to unravel those mysteries written in a symbolic language. Like any relationship, it takes time and participation with someone to get to know them beyond the surface appearances or presentation. The same is true in a relationship between a counselor and a client and between an astrologer and a chart. 

This is a painful feeling, even if it is not perceived consciously. Ordinarily the conversation continues at this point, but at least one of the participants will feel, to a degree, frustrated and invisible. This creates distance and resentment, and the sense of union or camaraderie is diminished. When both people are more interested in making their own points without listening and acknowledging the other, the quality of the interaction degenerates even more and becomes like two young children, before they have developed the capacity to actually relate, not speaking with each other, but speaking at each other.

The practice of truly listening to another is more than simply hearing words and responding with one’s own ideas. Often we do hear and understand but fail to explicitly articulate in some way that we hear and understand. This small omission weakens the sense of connection in that moment. In addition, the ideas of the one vehemently trying to make his point without first acknowledging the other person, usually lose power and are often lost altogether. I would go on to say that the power of the ideas is lost because the sense of deep communion has ruptured. It takes, for instance, not just a nod from the listener, and not just a pause on the listener’s part before talking about his own experience, but genuine interest. Then, the texture of the listener’s responses will reflect nods, pauses, and relevent questions which indicate the listener’s caring about what the speaker is expressing, but more important yet, the listener’s caring about the speaker, himself.  

With the Sun in Libra, there is the opportunity to experience being more keenly attuned to the other person. It is an excellent time to consciously practice one’s capacity to take in what the other person is seeking to share and express — to hold it, dwell with it, feel it inside, and actively respond about it — before switching the commentary over to one’s own experience, thoughts, or feelings. That is the key. The one who has been heard, seen, and understood has received a gift, and the sense of communion prospers. To mutually gift one another in this way is one of the treasures of Venus and her sign, Libra. 

This one seemingly small communication practice is so powerful that it can make or break a relationship, and has the power to rescue a failing relationship. These Venusian communication skills are not automatic and they often feel counter-intuitive, but If we applied them, our relationships — personal, professional, civic, and global — would be benefited with more mutual understanding, love, peace and unity.

1. Synastry: This is the comparison of two individual’s natal charts to understand how they affect one another, including aspects between the charts (for example: A’s Sun is conjunct B’s Moon) and house overlays (for example: A’s Sun falls into B’s 11th house, B’s Moon falls into A’s 7th house).
2. The Composite chart (the midpoints of A’s & B’s respective planets and angles): This is an illustration of the relationship itself, i.e., the third entity that is created when the two come together (interpreted like a birth chart, but representing the couple as a unit). 
3. Birth chart analysis — to determine individual propensities in relationship.

Some of the key elements I look at when considering attraction, harmony, and endurability:  

• 7th house overlays (the 7th house represents the partner, as well as how the native relates within partnerships): for example, what part of A’s chart falls into B’s 7th house and vice versa; and noting what other houses are overlaid by the other person’s planets and angles — showing main areas of focus in the relationship (such as home, career, finances, or spirituality).
• Ascendant contacts — represent strong attraction indicators and show love & affection.
• Descendant contacts — represent the marriage bond and partnership needs.
• Aspects between personal planets, especially the Sun & Moon, and Venus & Mars —show yin/yang complementarity, attraction, and compatibility.
• The ratio of harmonious to disharmonious aspects between the two individuals and within the composite chart — harmonious aspects give the feeling of being loved effortlessly, whereas disharmonious aspects require growth and change. It is said that a two-to-one ratio of harmony to disharmony is desired to make the relationship sustainable, yet too much harmony can lead to stagnation and lack of personal and spiritual growth. The challenge is working out how to tally this ratio. I am still experimenting with different methods.
• Whether the chart rulers are in aspect and if so, what type of aspect is it, as this represents a key dynamic between the two individuals.
• Whether the chart ruler of one is conjunct the horizon of the other — represents a strong compatibility indicator.
• Sun conjunct Venus in the composite chart — indicates a foundation of love in the relationship.
• The aspects that the composite chart makes to the two individuals charts — shows how each individual experiences the relationship.
• Planets in the 7th house of the composite chart, or the lack thereof. 
• Nodal & vertex contacts — to consider past life links, karma, and “fate”
• Saturn trines between the two show longevity; the Saturn placement in the other’s chart or the composite shows where there is responsibility, seriousness, and duty towards the other, but can also represent limitations or heaviness in the relationship.
• Transits and progressions for the individuals as well as to the composite to consider timing and ripeness/receptivity towards love and relationship.
• The Sabian symbol for the degree of the composite chart ascendant — illustrates a subtle, symbolic flavor of the relationship. 
• Aspect configurations between the charts and in the composite — reveals special features about the relationship.

These points might seem like exacting requirements, but it is amazing how often couples do indeed exhibit many of them (of course not all are seen in every relationship)!

Opportune times for love (some examples):

• Transiting Jupiter through the 5th house (romance), 7th house (partnership), and 8th house (emotional and physical intimacy/bonding) — correlates with opportunity and abundance in these areas.
• Transiting Jupiter conjunct Venus — correlates with an opportunity for love
• Progressed Venus trine progressed Jupiter — same as above.
• Progressed Moon conjunct natal Venus — the heart is ready. 
• Synastric timing: for example, progressed Sun of one conjunct natal Venus or natal Moon of the other or progressed Ascendant conjunct natal Ascendant of the other — shows a synchronization between the two, and often reveals the time of meeting.

Key elements to analyze in the birth chart:

• The sign on the 7th house cusp and planets in the 7th — signify the type of partner who will be a complement, and in general, the experience the individual has of partnership, as well as the way one is as a partner, oneself. Also, is the individual owning or projecting their 7th house of “other”? 
• The ruler of the 7th house — provides further information of the above. 
• The condition of Venus, who presides over love and attraction, gives ideas about inherent relationship dynamics for the individual. 
• Traditionally the sign, placement, and aspects of the Sun and Mars in a woman’s chart give clues about the partner she will seek.
• Traditionally the sign, placement, and aspects of the Moon and Venus in a man’s chart give clues about the partner he will seek. 
• The sign and placement of the asteroid, Juno (Hera), who presides over marriage, gives information about what is desired and needed in a marriage partner.  

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Some of the best information I have found about synastric comparison and the composite chart:

“No amount of love can continually offset lack of harmony in a relationship… It is highly recommended that a minimum ratio of two harmonious aspects to one disharmonious aspect be present when comparing the planets of two individuals involved…”  and

“The composite chart is the ‘bottom line.’ If the composite chart is very harmonious, whereas the planetary comparison is not, there is a possibility the relationship can survive... It would also be wise to remember the two-to-one ratio in composites.” ~Nance McCullough

“The Sun, ascendant, or Moon of partner A in partner B’s 7th house makes B feel that A is his/her ideal for a mate; i.e. you are my epitome!” ~Nance McCullough

“Regarding angular love ties (Sun, Moon, Venus, Jupiter of one partner in the 1st and/or 7th house of the other partner) — these ties are felt immediately and are very strong from the beginning… Planetary conjunctions and close trines of the Sun, Moon, Venus, or Jupiter and trines to the ascendant have no impact at first, but every time these two individuals are together, the love between them grows more and more until ‘death due us part.’” ~Nance McCullough

“Sun-Moon conjunctions are the Cadillac of all synastry aspects for marriage, with the trine between the Luminaries, or a Sun-Ascendant conjunction, tying for second place.” ~Robert P. Blaschke 

“Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in one horoscope in the sign ascending or descending in the other horoscope is an astrological testimony of a strong attraction… Unless the Ascendant or Descendant of one horoscope combines with the planets of the other by sign, it is doubtful that the attraction would result in marriage.” ~Lois Haines Sargent

“Contacts with the Ascendant are rather physical and instinctive, and always instantaneous. Contacts with the luminaries are deep and virtually potent.” ~www.astrotheme.com

“The stronger the love tie, the more ecstatic the union. Once you have experienced a fantastic close Venus tie with someone’s Sun, Moon, ascendant, or Jupiter, you will never be satisfied with less.” ~Nance McCullough

“I always take an aspect between the ruling planets (i.e., the rulers of their Ascendants) as a testimony to the fact that the two people are likely to have a relationship of extraordinary intensity and importance… The close interaction of the ruling planets’ energies can be seen as indicative of a particularly specific symbol of how the two people interact with each other… in the vast majority of such cases, all of the other levels of interaction shown in a comparison will be secondary to the intense type of interchange symbolized by the aspect between the rulers.” ~Stephen Arroyo

“The composite chart describes the entity of the relationship itself. When you consider the aspects between the composite chart and the birthcharts, concentrate on the effect that the entity of the couple, symbolized by their composite chart, has on the individual birthcharts.” ~Steven and Jodie Forrest

“It appears that the aspects to the Sun are the heart and soul of any partnership, and, as a composite Sun goes, so goes a relationship.” ~Robert P. Blaschke 

“According to many sources, lack of a 7th house composite planet precludes marriage.” ~Nance McCullough

“[L. Edward Johndro] felt that the Vertex was the electrical, the Ascendant the magnetic and the MC the gravity axis in a natal chart.” ~Alice Portman

“The astrologer should look for any synastric aspect configurations… Just as marriage vows state that both parties take each other for better or for worse, so too, do shared configurations manifest in either a positive or negative fashion… If a Grand Cross, T-square, or Yod are formed by synastry, then the couple, just by being together, will encounter unexpected stress factors in the relationship… When a Grand Trine is produced by synastry, couple can appear to withdraw into a cocoon, a sort of private world… Couples with synastry Stelliums live as if they are one unified being, made whole by their love.” ~Robert P. Blaschke 

Some of the best information I have found about past life links and karmic relationships:

“Ancestral and family karma is found in the 4th house, the karma of loss in the 8th house, and spiritual emancipation in the 12th house... The deepest karmic lessons are usually accompanied by pain and suffering. Can the astrologer see this type of karmic lesson between a couple? Yes, it would be found with an overlay Sun, Moon, or Saturn in the 8th house, with the planets also in synastric square or opposition.” ~Robert P. Blaschke 

“When I see a synastric conjunction from one person’s Light or planet to the partner’s natal IC, I interpret it as a past life family connection… The 12th house symbolizes the most recent past life and a synastric conjunction with the 12th cusp is an indicator of two souls having been together in their most immediate past lives. However, the South Node represents the ongoing spiritual growth for as many as seven past incarnations. If the astrologer sees a synastric conjunction to the South Node, he knows that two souls have had a long history.” ~Robert P. Blaschke 

“The South Node conjunct a planet is supposedly very karmic and implies that the South Node individual owes the planet individual a debt or service from a previous life.” ~Nance McCullough

“One of the jokes that I told is how one, when seeing that another soul has planets on their South Node, instinctively reaches for their wallet and asks, ‘how much do I owe you?’” ~Robert P. Blaschke

“When astrologers see synastric or composite conjunctions to a North Node, they can view this as a karmic credit. In the case of synastry, however, the planet person will repay the Node person in some positive way. When found in the composite chart, couples will have positive karma… As a general rule, the astrologer can interpret synastry conjunctions to the South Node that are not also accompanied by a conjunction to the North Node, as the karma of conscious completion… If there is also a North Node conjunction, astrologers can view this as an ongoing soul connection, continuing into the next life together.”  ~Robert P. Blaschke 

The Vertex: “This sensitive degree in the horoscope has been associated with fated love, and appears to symbolize relationship brought into one’s life for karmic purposes, such as for the birth of a child, or a life-changing transformative journey together.” ~Robert P. Blaschke

References:

Astrology A Launguage of Life: Volume IV - Relationship Analysis by Robert P. Blaschke

Skymates II: The Composite Chart by Steven Forrest and Jodie Forrest

Love Formulas~2 by Nance McCullough

How to Handle Your Human Relations by Lois Haines Sargent

Astrology Karma & Transformation: The Inner Dimensions of the Birth Chart by Stephen Arroyo

I recently had the occasion to review the stages of community-building as outlined by M. Scott Peck in The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace, and it reminded me of some helpful insights we can keep in mind when conflict emerges in relationships. Although this book was written primarily for groups of people trying to work together, I have found that the stages also apply to one-on-one relationships. Also, the stages are not static and once one stage is achieved, the relationship may oscillate along the continuum in our constant process of growth and transformation. It is natural for this to happen as relationships have cycles, tides, and rhythms.  

Pseudo Community

This is the first stage of most relationships — when we are nice, polite, and showing our best face. Differences are downplayed and anything that might produce conflict is usually avoided or ignored. 

Chaos

The next stage is when major differences begin to arise and we become unpleasantly surprised and disillusioned with each other. The projections begin to fall away and disappointment sets in as we see the other isn’t fulfilling our fantasy of who we thought they were. This leads to irritation, disagreements, and arguments. A lot of relationships end at this stage unless it is worth it for all involved to hang in there. 

Emptiness

If we don’t give up on the relationship at this point, we enter into the unknown. The unconscious expectations of harmony and bliss are slowly and sometimes painfully replaced with a more realistic appraisal of the relationship. We may attempt to change each other, to fit into what we think we want or need, but this fails. Weaknesses and vulnerabilities are revealed, but it doesn’t feel safe. It may feel like a death is occurring. 

Community

If there is sufficient openness to let go of preconceived ideas and empty ourselves of ego biases and attachments, the present moment reality of the relationship may be seen and appreciated. Now there is authentic sharing and real intimacy. We are seen for who we are, respected, and held in a safe space. The shift is subtle and quiet, but perceptible. A sense of the sacred and the Divine may be felt within the relationship.  

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If we choose to go beyond the initial superficial connection by facing the conflict that arises within a relationship, we have the opportunity to heal old wounds that inevitably surface, and this lends strength and resiliency to the bond. The mutual desire and commitment to do the work of going through these archetypal stages of relationship transformation creates a profound regard for one another, trust, and deep communion.