“My evenings are taken up very largely with astrology. I make horoscopic calculations in order to find a clue to the core of psychological truth. Some remarkable things have turned up which will certainly appear incredible to you.”
~Carl Jung in a letter to Sigmund Freud (June 12, 1911)
Astrological Counseling
I offer astrological counseling for psycho-spiritual exploration, understanding, and transformation. Astrology utilized in this way can be a missing key for deep inner work and can shed light on the path towards greater harmony with the natural rhythms and cycles of one’s life journey. My approach to astrology is to share the potentials and opportunities I see while exploring how the symbols and archetypes are manifesting uniquely for each individual. Astrology is a wonderful tool for self-knowledge and a help in times of challenge or transition. It can facilitate tremendous insight and peace, as well as provide timelines for certain archetypal or energetic influences reflected in our lives and inner states of being. Consultations available for birth chart exploration, current influences, relationship dynamics, and timing for important events.
I received this question from someone, and I think it’s such an interesting topic that I decided to post about it.
Question (paraphrased): My boyfriend’s Moon and Venus fall into my 7th house, but my planets do not fall into his 7th house. Will I be the only one stimulated by this? Will he feel the familiarity too? Does it go both ways?
My answer: I have observed and thought about this many times. In the context of a significant relationship, when a person’s planets, especially their Sun, Moon, or Ascendant, fall or overlay into your 7th house (the part of the chart representing partnership), yes it does mean that they embody in a big way whatever it is that you need in a partner, so you may feel strongly drawn to them. They balance you and complete you in a sense. This can apply to a romantic, friendship, business, or any other significant partnership.
So how does this affect the person whose planets or Ascendant fall into your 7th house? In my experience, it is not the same dynamic, but the connection and attraction is still mutual. The person whose planets or Ascendant fall into your 7th house feels called and inspired to be your partner. It feels natural to them to be what you want and need in a partner. This happens on a relatively subliminal level. Some authors say the attraction is stronger for the person whose 7th house is being over-layed by the partner’s planets, as opposed to the partner, but I have not found that to be the case. Your 7th house (i.e. the partnership) provides for them an area and a context for vital expression of part of themselves.
Saturn is often considered a challenging planet associated with obstacles and hardships. However, especially in connection to a synastry analysis (how two birth charts interact together) and particularly between a parent and child, I have been noticing an interesting theme with regard to Saturn. It is one that contrasts with the common Saturnian stereotype of difficulties, obstacles, and hardships. Saturn aspects between a parent and child often turn up in harmonious relationships. In these cases the parent is indeed in an archetypal parental role, taking responsible and reliable care of the child, and being ultra motherly or fatherly. As well, the parent is experienced by the child as the authority. And that initial dynamic between them often continues, even after the child is fully an adult. In relationships like this I have repeatedly seen the parent’s Saturn tightly conjunct a significant point in the child’s chart, especially the child’s Sun, Moon, or Ascendant. This is not surprising, as Saturn is known as “the wise old elder.” And it is commonly said that Saturn is almost always notably placed in the synastry of any long-term relationship (such as family).
In non-parent/child relationships, even in the case of hard aspects, such as an opposition, for instance, from one spouse’s Saturn to the other spouse’s personal planet such as the Moon or Venus, the Saturn person may simply take on a responsible, mature, and perhaps a directive role in the relationship. Depending on the other person’s internal relationship with these Saturnian qualities, the person receiving the Saturn energy may be harmonious with this dynamic or not. In any case, a Saturn configuration between two people in a committed relationship is commonly present and is indicative of a tone of accountability, reliability, and practicality within the structure of the relationship.
In my experience, the deepest and most meaningful learning about astrology comes from experiential observation and involvement. Book learning is essential of course, but for instance, to truly understand the intensity of a transit from a slow moving planet to your birth chart, living through it or watching someone close to you live through it, is entirely different than reading about it. The theory you studied suddenly becomes tangible and is clearly manifesting before your eyes, and yet at the same time it is infinitely more complex and varied in its expression than you could have imagined. The same goes for truly understanding another human being, let alone yourself. It is a lifetime study. As an astrological counselor, I can study a natal chart for hours and hours, days, and weeks, but it would still take time to truly and comprehensively know the native (the owner of the chart). I may be able to quickly speculate about trends in character, predispositions, challenges, gifts, themes of the past and future, and various timelines of various archetypal influences affecting the individual, etc. And all of this can be immensely helpful for people in terms of inspiring self-understanding, self-permission to be who one is, as well as to give encouragement, patience, and strength with one’s life situation. Read more...
However, to really know a person, in a deep sense, and what it means to have a combination of particular planets in particular signs and houses with particular aspects, it takes time and keen observation. That is why I like working with people for a series of sessions over a period of time. We can go so much deeper into personality, life, or relationship dynamics, all of which the chart will illustrate in perfect fashion. Yet it takes time to unravel those mysteries written in a symbolic language. Like any relationship, it takes time and participation with someone to get to know them beyond the surface appearances or presentation. The same is true in a relationship between a counselor and a client and between an astrologer and a chart.
Compassionate communication and Mars retrograde in Libra
Today I am beginning an 8 week course in Compassionate Communication (also known as Nonviolent Communication). This is something I’ve wanted to pursue a serious study of for awhile after reading books and trying to practice on my own (which proved difficult!). Everything lined up for me with this endeavor now while Mars is retrograde in Libra. How perfect! Why is the period when Mars is retrograde in Libra perfect for focusing on compassionate/non-violent communication? Firstly, because Libra rules the art of listening and speaking skillfully, diplomatically, and most importantly empathically — balancing awareness and sensitivity between self and other. This is challenging, to say the least, especially when strong emotions are triggered. Secondly, Mars rules self-assertion, leadership, and frankness, but also aggression and violence on the shadow side (every archetype has a shadow side). Mars retrograde on the other hand, supports holding aggression back, turning it within, contemplating it, and transmuting it. We all feel anger and aggression sometimes, which is often a surface layer over suppressed hurt or fear. To be able to express those deeper feelings and in a way that inspires giving and receiving from the heart, as opposed to creating more hurt feelings, anger, defensiveness, and chronic unmet needs in our relationships, is a great way to utilize the energy of Mars retrograde in Libra. I am happy for this opportunity.
When interpreting relationships, natal indications prevail over compatibility indications
Exploration of compatibility for partnership or marriage between two individual’s natal charts is one of my favorite uses of astrology. In analyzing compatibility, however, it is important to remember that no matter how many significant connections or marriage indicators there are between two people, one must first acknowledge the predispositions regarding partnership within each natal chart. If the natal chart shows stressful aspects or placements to planets in the 7th (partnership) house, and most importantly to the ruler of the 7th house, as well as the condition of Venus, who presides over love and relationships, for instance, then no matter how strong a connection is or how compatible the charts looks with another person’s chart, the experience in partnership is going to be geared towards major growth (i.e. full of challenges) for that person. And likewise, if a natal chart suggests more harmonious aspects and placements regarding partnership for the individual, then less compatibility with someone else’s chart may still correlate with a relationship experience that is mostly enjoyable for the individual with more harmonious natal placements.
Visit the Happiness Series. It’s a great resource for all kinds of inspiring, uplifting, and helpful information! Check out the Astrology section to read some of my articles. So far they have featured:
Love, support, empathy, kindness, rapport, harmony, and compatibility — these are words in Venus’s bible. Recently a thought came tumbling into my mind and I realized it was inspired by Venus and represents an important expression of her Libra archetype. Being in the Sun’s month-long stay in the sign of Libra, I am not surprised that Libran values are dominating my mind and heart. The Libra archetype makes the art of relationship a sacred temple.
I was listening to a conversation between two people where one was more interested in making his own point than in hearing and receiving the other person’s thoughts and feelings. I felt sad for both… We have all done it and been there, on both sides... When one is observing, it is easier to see how helpful it would be to the relationship, and to the precious sense of relatedness in the relationship — if we realized that effective communication, not to mention a feeling of communion, only happens through a balanced give and take of expression and reception: not just seeking to be heard, seen, and understood, oneself, but making the effort to hear, see, and sincerely understand the other person as well. This give and take must happen on both sides, or there develops a one-sidedness in which the person who does not feel heard and seen eventually retreats inside — for, on a deep but subtle level, it feels as though his existence is not being acknowledged. Read more...
This is a painful feeling, even if it is not perceived consciously. Ordinarily the conversation continues at this point, but at least one of the participants will feel, to a degree, frustrated and invisible. This creates distance and resentment, and the sense of union or camaraderie is diminished. When both people are more interested in making their own points without listening and acknowledging the other, the quality of the interaction degenerates even more and becomes like two young children, before they have developed the capacity to actually relate, not speaking with each other, but speaking at each other.
The practice of truly listening to another is more than simply hearing words and responding with one’s own ideas. Often we do hear and understand but fail to explicitly articulate in some way that we hear and understand. This small omission weakens the sense of connection in that moment. In addition, the ideas of the one vehemently trying to make his point without first acknowledging the other person, usually lose power and are often lost altogether. I would go on to say that the power of the ideas is lost because the sense of deep communion has ruptured. It takes, for instance, not just a nod from the listener, and not just a pause on the listener’s part before talking about his own experience, but genuine interest. Then, the texture of the listener’s responses will reflect nods, pauses, and relevent questions which indicate the listener’s caring about what the speaker is expressing, but more important yet, the listener’s caring about the speaker, himself.
With the Sun in Libra, there is the opportunity to experience being more keenly attuned to the other person. It is an excellent time to consciously practice one’s capacity to take in what the other person is seeking to share and express — to hold it, dwell with it, feel it inside, and actively respond about it — before switching the commentary over to one’s own experience, thoughts, or feelings. That is the key. The one who has been heard, seen, and understood has received a gift, and the sense of communion prospers. To mutually gift one another in this way is one of the treasures of Venus and her sign, Libra.
This one seemingly small communication practice is so powerful that it can make or break a relationship, and has the power to rescue a failing relationship. These Venusian communication skills are not automatic and they often feel counter-intuitive, but If we applied them, our relationships — personal, professional, civic, and global — would be benefited with more mutual understanding, love, peace and unity.
Astrological Relationship Analysis and Compatibility
“A mystic will seek to penetrate the veils through constant and arduous meditation practice, whilst the lover, through his feelings for the beloved, will arrive there in his heart. In this sense, human relationship is spiritual practice, with benefits of equal value.” ~Robert P. Blaschke
Astrological relationship analysis is one of my favorite areas of study. While astrological knowledge certainly can’t give any guarantees about whether a relationship will be “successful” or not, it can provide insights into the everyday dynamics of a relationship as well as give some clues about the underlying spiritual journey two people have together. Below is a compilation of gems I have gleaned from my studies as well as observations taken from client experiences and personal experience.
The three main ways I investigate relationships: Read more...
Synastry: This is the comparison of two individual’s natal charts to understand how they affect one another, including aspects between the charts (for example: A’s Sun is conjunct B’s Moon) and house overlays (for example: A’s Sun falls into B’s 11th house, B’s Moon falls into A’s 7th house).
The Composite chart (the midpoints of A’s & B’s respective planets and angles): This is an illustration of the relationship itself, i.e., the third entity that is created when the two come together (interpreted like a birth chart, but representing the couple as a unit).
Birth chart analysis — to determine individual propensities in relationship.
Some of the key elements I look at when considering attraction, harmony, and endurability:
7th house overlays (the 7th house represents the partner, as well as how the native relates within partnerships): for example, what part of A’s chart falls into B’s 7th house and vice versa; and noting what other houses are overlaid by the other person’s planets and angles — showing main areas of focus in the relationship (such as home, career, finances, or spirituality).
Ascendant contacts — represent strong attraction indicators and show love & affection.
Descendant contacts — represent the marriage bond and partnership needs.
Aspects between personal planets, especially the Sun & Moon, and Venus & Mars —show yin/yang complementarity, attraction, and compatibility.
The ratio of harmonious to disharmonious aspects between the two individuals and within the composite chart — harmonious aspects give the feeling of being loved effortlessly, whereas disharmonious aspects require growth and change. It is said that a two-to-one ratio of harmony to disharmony is desired to make the relationship sustainable, yet too much harmony can lead to stagnation and lack of personal and spiritual growth. The challenge is working out how to tally this ratio. I am still experimenting with different methods.
Whether the chart rulers are in aspect and if so, what type of aspect is it, as this represents a key dynamic between the two individuals.
Whether the chart ruler of one is conjunct the horizon of the other — represents a strong compatibility indicator.
Sun conjunct Venus in the composite chart — indicates a foundation of love in the relationship.
The aspects that the composite chart makes to the two individuals charts — shows how each individual experiences the relationship.
Planets in the 7th house of the composite chart, or the lack thereof.
Nodal & vertex contacts — to consider past life links, karma, and “fate”
Saturn trines between the two show longevity; the Saturn placement in the other’s chart or the composite shows where there is responsibility, seriousness, and duty towards the other, but can also represent limitations or heaviness in the relationship.
Transits and progressions for the individuals as well as to the composite to consider timing and ripeness/receptivity towards love and relationship.
The Sabian symbol for the degree of the composite chart ascendant — illustrates a subtle, symbolic flavor of the relationship.
Aspect configurations between the charts and in the composite — reveals special features about the relationship.
These points might seem like exacting requirements, but it is amazing how often couples do indeed exhibit many of them (of course not all are seen in every relationship)!
Opportune times for love (some examples):
Transiting Jupiter through the 5th house (romance), 7th house (partnership), and 8th house (emotional and physical intimacy/bonding) — correlates with opportunity and abundance in these areas.
Transiting Jupiter conjunct Venus — correlates with an opportunity for love
Progressed Venus trine progressed Jupiter — same as above.
Progressed Moon conjunct natal Venus — the heart is ready.
Synastric timing: for example, progressed Sun of one conjunct natal Venus or natal Moon of the other or progressed Ascendant conjunct natal Ascendant of the other — shows a synchronization between the two, and often reveals the time of meeting.
Key elements to analyze in the birth chart:
The sign on the 7th house cusp and planets in the 7th — signify the type of partner who will be a complement, and in general, the experience the individual has of partnership, as well as the way one is as a partner, oneself. Also, is the individual owning or projecting their 7th house of “other”?
The ruler of the 7th house — provides further information of the above.
The condition of Venus, who presides over love and attraction, gives ideas about inherent relationship dynamics for the individual.
Traditionally the sign, placement, and aspects of the Sun and Mars in a woman’s chart give clues about the partner she will seek.
Traditionally the sign, placement, and aspects of the Moon and Venus in a man’s chart give clues about the partner he will seek.
The sign and placement of the asteroid, Juno (Hera), who presides over marriage, gives information about what is desired and needed in a marriage partner.
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Some of the best information I have found about synastric comparison and the composite chart:
“No amount of love can continually offset lack of harmony in a relationship… It is highly recommended that a minimum ratio of two harmonious aspects to one disharmonious aspect be present when comparing the planets of two individuals involved…” and
“The composite chart is the ‘bottom line.’ If the composite chart is very harmonious, whereas the planetary comparison is not, there is a possibility the relationship can survive... It would also be wise to remember the two-to-one ratio in composites.” ~Nance McCullough
“The Sun, ascendant, or Moon of partner A in partner B’s 7th house makes B feel that A is his/her ideal for a mate; i.e. you are my epitome!” ~Nance McCullough
“Regarding angular love ties (Sun, Moon, Venus, Jupiter of one partner in the 1st and/or 7th house of the other partner) — these ties are felt immediately and are very strong from the beginning… Planetary conjunctions and close trines of the Sun, Moon, Venus, or Jupiter and trines to the ascendant have no impact at first, but every time these two individuals are together, the love between them grows more and more until ‘death due us part.’” ~Nance McCullough
“Sun-Moon conjunctions are the Cadillac of all synastry aspects for marriage, with the trine between the Luminaries, or a Sun-Ascendant conjunction, tying for second place.” ~Robert P. Blaschke
“Sun, Moon, Venus, or Mars in one horoscope in the sign ascending or descending in the other horoscope is an astrological testimony of a strong attraction… Unless the Ascendant or Descendant of one horoscope combines with the planets of the other by sign, it is doubtful that the attraction would result in marriage.” ~Lois Haines Sargent
“Contacts with the Ascendant are rather physical and instinctive, and always instantaneous. Contacts with the luminaries are deep and virtually potent.” ~www.astrotheme.com
“The stronger the love tie, the more ecstatic the union. Once you have experienced a fantastic close Venus tie with someone’s Sun, Moon, ascendant, or Jupiter, you will never be satisfied with less.” ~Nance McCullough
“I always take an aspect between the ruling planets (i.e., the rulers of their Ascendants) as a testimony to the fact that the two people are likely to have a relationship of extraordinary intensity and importance… The close interaction of the ruling planets’ energies can be seen as indicative of a particularly specific symbol of how the two people interact with each other… in the vast majority of such cases, all of the other levels of interaction shown in a comparison will be secondary to the intense type of interchange symbolized by the aspect between the rulers.” ~Stephen Arroyo
“The composite chart describes the entity of the relationship itself. When you consider the aspects between the composite chart and the birthcharts, concentrate on the effect that the entity of the couple, symbolized by their composite chart, has on the individual birthcharts.” ~Steven and Jodie Forrest
“It appears that the aspects to the Sun are the heart and soul of any partnership, and, as a composite Sun goes, so goes a relationship.” ~Robert P. Blaschke
“According to many sources, lack of a 7th house composite planet precludes marriage.” ~Nance McCullough
“[L. Edward Johndro] felt that the Vertex was the electrical, the Ascendant the magnetic and the MC the gravity axis in a natal chart.” ~Alice Portman
“The astrologer should look for any synastric aspect configurations… Just as marriage vows state that both parties take each other for better or for worse, so too, do shared configurations manifest in either a positive or negative fashion… If a Grand Cross, T-square, or Yod are formed by synastry, then the couple, just by being together, will encounter unexpected stress factors in the relationship… When a Grand Trine is produced by synastry, couple can appear to withdraw into a cocoon, a sort of private world… Couples with synastry Stelliums live as if they are one unified being, made whole by their love.” ~Robert P. Blaschke
Some of the best information I have found about past life links and karmic relationships:
“Ancestral and family karma is found in the 4th house, the karma of loss in the 8th house, and spiritual emancipation in the 12th house... The deepest karmic lessons are usually accompanied by pain and suffering. Can the astrologer see this type of karmic lesson between a couple? Yes, it would be found with an overlay Sun, Moon, or Saturn in the 8th house, with the planets also in synastric square or opposition.” ~Robert P. Blaschke
“When I see a synastric conjunction from one person’s Light or planet to the partner’s natal IC, I interpret it as a past life family connection… The 12th house symbolizes the most recent past life and a synastric conjunction with the 12th cusp is an indicator of two souls having been together in their most immediate past lives. However, the South Node represents the ongoing spiritual growth for as many as seven past incarnations. If the astrologer sees a synastric conjunction to the South Node, he knows that two souls have had a long history.” ~Robert P. Blaschke
“The South Node conjunct a planet is supposedly very karmic and implies that the South Node individual owes the planet individual a debt or service from a previous life.” ~Nance McCullough
“One of the jokes that I told is how one, when seeing that another soul has planets on their South Node, instinctively reaches for their wallet and asks, ‘how much do I owe you?’” ~Robert P. Blaschke
“When astrologers see synastric or composite conjunctions to a North Node, they can view this as a karmic credit. In the case of synastry, however, the planet person will repay the Node person in some positive way. When found in the composite chart, couples will have positive karma… As a general rule, the astrologer can interpret synastry conjunctions to the South Node that are not also accompanied by a conjunction to the North Node, as the karma of conscious completion… If there is also a North Node conjunction, astrologers can view this as an ongoing soul connection, continuing into the next life together.” ~Robert P. Blaschke
The Vertex: “This sensitive degree in the horoscope has been associated with fated love, and appears to symbolize relationship brought into one’s life for karmic purposes, such as for the birth of a child, or a life-changing transformative journey together.” ~Robert P. Blaschke
References:
Astrology A Launguage of Life: Volume IV - Relationship Analysis by Robert P. Blaschke
Skymates II: The Composite Chart by Steven Forrest and Jodie Forrest
Love Formulas~2 by Nance McCullough
How to Handle Your Human Relations by Lois Haines Sargent
Astrology Karma & Transformation: The Inner Dimensions of the Birth Chart by Stephen Arroyo
In honor of Libra: the quest for harmony, moving thru conflict & cultivating authentic relationships
Venus is in Libra Sep 14-Oct 8, 2011
The Sun is in Libra Sep 23-Oct 23, 2011
Mercury is in Libra Sep 25-Oct 13, 2011
The Libra archetype, ruled by Venus, the goddess of love and beauty, brings relationships to the forefront like no other sign. The symbol for Libra, the scales, reveals how balance, equality, and harmony — between self and other — is the essence of this sign. It isn’t that Libra is inherently balanced and harmonious, but those with prominent Libra in their charts, actively seek and work towards peacefulness and beauty — in themselves, their relationships, their surroundings, and in their lives in general, because these qualities are truly necessary for their well-being. Of course, it is relationships with other imperfect humans, that tend to be the greatest source of conflict and turmoil. A Libra person (Sun in Libra; Moon in Libra; Libra rising; many planets in the 7th house, Libra’s house; or Venus, Libra’s ruler, conjunct the Sun, Moon, or Ascendant) must find ways, and the courage, to work through conflict in order to arrive at authentic harmony, on an on-going basis, instead of falling into patterns such as avoiding, people-pleasing, or pretending that everything is fine for the sake of maintaining harmony on the surface. Even if you are not a Libra person, everyone has Libra (♎) somewhere in their chart, and this is the area where these matters will be relevant for you. Read more...
I recently had the occasion to review the stages of community-building as outlined by M. Scott Peck in The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace, and it reminded me of some helpful insights we can keep in mind when conflict emerges in relationships. Although this book was written primarily for groups of people trying to work together, I have found that the stages also apply to one-on-one relationships. Also, the stages are not static and once one stage is achieved, the relationship may oscillate along the continuum in our constant process of growth and transformation. It is natural for this to happen as relationships have cycles, tides, and rhythms.
Pseudo Community
This is the first stage of most relationships — when we are nice, polite, and showing our best face. Differences are downplayed and anything that might produce conflict is usually avoided or ignored.
Chaos
The next stage is when major differences begin to arise and we become unpleasantly surprised and disillusioned with each other. The projections begin to fall away and disappointment sets in as we see the other isn’t fulfilling our fantasy of who we thought they were. This leads to irritation, disagreements, and arguments. A lot of relationships end at this stage unless it is worth it for all involved to hang in there.
Emptiness
If we don’t give up on the relationship at this point, we enter into the unknown. The unconscious expectations of harmony and bliss are slowly and sometimes painfully replaced with a more realistic appraisal of the relationship. We may attempt to change each other, to fit into what we think we want or need, but this fails. Weaknesses and vulnerabilities are revealed, but it doesn’t feel safe. It may feel like a death is occurring.
Community
If there is sufficient openness to let go of preconceived ideas and empty ourselves of ego biases and attachments, the present moment reality of the relationship may be seen and appreciated. Now there is authentic sharing and real intimacy. We are seen for who we are, respected, and held in a safe space. The shift is subtle and quiet, but perceptible. A sense of the sacred and the Divine may be felt within the relationship.
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If we choose to go beyond the initial superficial connection by facing the conflict that arises within a relationship, we have the opportunity to heal old wounds that inevitably surface, and this lends strength and resiliency to the bond. The mutual desire and commitment to do the work of going through these archetypal stages of relationship transformation creates a profound regard for one another, trust, and deep communion.
What a perfect description of authentic community! Thanks for sharing.
Sep 20, 2011 4:34 PM
From: Marlena
Thanks you for reading! :)
Sep 20, 2011 4:52 PM
September 14, 2011
Pluto: the underworld, healing, and true empowerment
Pluto is preparing to turn direct on Fri, 9/16/2011, after 5 months of being retrograde. When a planet slows down to stop and change directions, it is often felt more powerfully because if your chart is being aspected by a more or less stationary planet, you are getting a longer lasting and more intense hit, a slow burn, from it (Pluto is basically in the same spot, 4º53” Capricorn, from 9/12-9/21!). Even if you don’t have any planets or points in your chart being stimulated by Pluto at the moment, the core features of the Pluto archetype may still be resonating in you right now because Pluto is stationing direct.
Pluto (known as Hades in Greek mythology, god of the underworld) is symbolic of the dark unconscious places within the psyche. This includes all the painful emotions (grief, rage, shame, etc) that we have ever experienced and then repressed in order to go about our daily lives without falling apart. But those shadows do not go away — they simply lie dormant, buried deep within the heart, until something happens in life to trigger one of our old core wounds. And then boom, we explode. Or alternatively we implode, collapse, or dissolve. When this happens, usually we are surprised and caught off guard by our own or another’s reactivity. Read more...
All along Pluto has been waiting and watching. He senses when we may be strong enough to finally face those buried wounds within (possibly showing up as an intense Pluto transit to our natal chart). Perhaps after experiencing a troubling reoccurring pattern, or an addiction, or a painful breakup, etc — we decide we want to get to the root, we want to change, we want to heal. Often this means acknowledging that the current situation or conflict is triggering something deeper. If we are brave and willing to dig around, we usually find a hurt little child self — abandoned, abused, traumatized in some way, and then possibly dissociated or shut down. As children and as adults we find ways to cope and live through traumas. We’ve all had them. It’s part of life. But Pluto demands that we integrate those painful scenarios into consciousness so that we are no longer unconsciously controlled by them.
Pluto is about empowerment, but true power means being courageous enough to face the things we are afraid to look at or afraid to admit, own them, feel the feelings connected with them, and ultimately find the real truth of who we are. Often the things that cause us the most pain are based on false conclusions, which we came to in order to explain the trauma. Especially as children we take everything personally and we unconsciously interpret someone’s failure to be present or loving as our own fault, inadequacy, or lack of importance. This all happens at an unconscious level. Enter Pluto: Pluto shows us that by facing the pain, we also get to recover the truth, which is of our innate worth, lovability, and holiness — regardless of whatever we have lived through. Through our healing process we may also rediscover faith in life and in humanity, which we hadn’t even realized was lost.
Recently I was reminded of a special tool that works amazingly well at helping to not only uncover the underlying issues that scar the heart, but also to help heal them — in the context of relationships. It is called an Imago Dialogue (or Couple’s Dialogue) and can be done within any important relationship in which you are experiencing conflict — feeling distant, unheard, angry, resentful, or hurt, etc.
“Imago theory shows that most conflicts that have a painful ‘charge’ are only 10% about the present situation and 90% about some past wound that is causing pain now. Imagine if you could truly heal old wounds.” (Tim Atkinson)
The Imago Dialogue is a form of communication that requires active listening, mirroring, validation, and empathy. It may feel tedious to go through the structure of this format (and if you are really angry there is the option of doing it over instant messaging so that you have some space and the emotions don’t continue to get out of control with one another). However, If you go through with the process, I can almost guarantee it will have some beneficial results — creating insights, understanding, and even lasting healing.
